I’m almost 47 years old. 47. You’d think I would have figured out who I am and what my calling is by now. I mean, really, I’m on the downhill slide to 50. To my children, and their friends, this is old.
I mean, I know what I like…favorite foods, movies and stuff like that. Stuff… I know… that’s a lazy word in the writing world, but it describes what I mean here… meaning, you know: everything else. Forgive me, you literary critics out there.
The truth is, I’m just learning, now, over this period of the last 3 to 4 years, what it means to be me, and how to be true to myself and how, if I don’t work at living it out, with discipline, my soul is going to continue to ache. As it has been for many years.
Here’s the gist. I’m a wife (married to my high school sweetheart), mother (four wonderful children – ages 23-17), sister to 4 siblings to a nurturing mother and father. I can’t complain about finances and my possessions. I have a good job, though stressful at times, as a literacy coach. Overall, I’m comfortable. 90 percent of the people in this world are praying for the life I have.
So, why this ache?
That’s the rub. Cravings. My soul craves so much. It feels so much. I’m one of those “highly sensitive persons” as Elaine N.. Aron describes in her book. I have just now discovered this. All these years, thinking something was wrong with me. But that’s not all.
I crave to create. It feeds my soul. When I can’t, I’m unbearable. My creations through writing and art transform my feelings and emotions into something concrete. A channel of life through me onto the page. If I can’t do this, I seem to create this drama in my life. Ughh. I feel too much more. Things hurt more.
I’ve sought out much guidance over the last few years in order to steer the sails. Through books, therapists, workshops from amazing people, my journey through my own creations of writing, art journaling and photography, along with reflections through personal experiences, I am amazed at how much I continue to learn about this plan the Universe has for me.
And, I need to share it. Because it’s so daunting. So awesome. Just awesome.
Again, another writing lazy word. . . but, it just fits. What other word replaces awesome?
Shari Lynn 🙂