My True Calling

I’m almost 47 years old.  47.  You’d think I would have figured out who I am and what my calling is by now.  I mean, really, I’m on the downhill slide to 50.  To my children, and their friends, this is old.

I mean, I know what I like…favorite foods, movies and stuff like that.  Stuff… I know… that’s a lazy word in the writing world, but it describes what I mean here… meaning, you know:  everything else. Forgive me, you literary critics out there.

The truth is, I’m just learning, now, over this period of the last 3 to 4 years, what it means to be me, and how to be true to myself and how, if I don’t work at living it out, with discipline, my soul is going to continue to ache.  As it has been for many years.

Here’s the gist.  I’m a wife (married to my high school sweetheart), mother (four wonderful children – ages 23-17), sister to 4 siblings to a nurturing mother and father. I can’t complain about finances and my possessions.  I have a good job, though stressful at times, as a literacy coach.  Overall, I’m comfortable.  90 percent of the people in this world are praying for the life I have.

So, why this ache?

That’s the rub.   Cravings.  My soul craves so much.  It feels so much.  I’m one of those “highly sensitive persons” as Elaine N.. Aron describes in her book.  I have just now discovered this.  All these years, thinking something was wrong with me.  But that’s not all.

I crave to create.  It feeds my soul.  When I can’t, I’m unbearable. My creations through writing and art transform my feelings and emotions into something concrete. A channel of life through me onto the page.   If I can’t do this, I seem to create this drama in my life.  Ughh.  I feel too much more.  Things hurt more.

I’ve sought out much guidance over the last few years in order to steer the sails.  Through books, therapists, workshops from amazing people, my journey through my own creations of writing, art journaling and photography, along with reflections through personal experiences, I am amazed at how much I continue to learn about this plan the Universe has for me.

And, I need to share it.  Because it’s so daunting. So awesome.  Just awesome.

Again, another writing lazy word. . . but, it just fits.  What other word replaces awesome?

Shari Lynn 🙂

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8 thoughts on “My True Calling

  1. Hi Shari, I saw your comment on Jeff Goins’ 15 Day Writing Challenge page.

    I like your voice here. It’s comfortable and casual, sure to draw readers. From another “sensitive” person, I think you will do very well continuing in this vein.

    Be sure to fill in your About page soon, as your first post will disappear into archive-land, and we won’t be able to know who you are without searching. 😉

    Happy blogging, Shari!

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  2. Dear friend in writing:
    Please do not despair, I am 65 years old and just started my two twin blogs recently, also on WordPress. I know exactly how you feel my story is very similar to yours, and you have 20 years on me! I want to tell you that your blog is so far wonderful and yes a beautiful start, KEEP IT UP! When I first started my blogs I sent friends a notice and I got several really nice encouraging comments, so I was psyched. However after just 3 weeks, I realize that no one seems to be reading my blog or at least commenting on it. I was bummed for a little while, then said no, I will keep doing it even if no one reads it or follows it, as I do it for ME. Because as you said, I have been putting my creativity on the back burner for about 50 years, and torturning myself by not taking my writing (or art) seriously. I disagree with the Goin guy where I saw your post, writing is not a game in the first place and in the second place whose game are we playing?? This is when it dawned on me that putting up a blog was a perfectly valid thing to do. First of all it doesn’t have to be perfect which has kept me from sharing my trunks and trunks of writing over the years! Second of all, in this internet age, what better way to reach people with what you want to say than online. In the “olden” days, the only way you could have people read what you wrote was by having your word printed and published in books. Today, you can get it out there with a click, and why not!!! I really don’t need to get into the “publishing game” as it is all pretty arbitrary and fake. Who gets to say what’s good and what isn’t? Keep it up and my advice is, to stop apologizing for not using “writerly” words. Use whatever words that says what you want to say, and forget about the “word police!” God bless you and I am going to follow your blog and hope maybe you will follow mine. Peace from another “sensitive” soul!
    Blessings,
    Judi Behrendt

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    1. Thank you for your kind words, Judi. Your comments brought smiles to my somewhat stuck-feeling mood this morning. After reading your words, I had some renewed energy!

      I will stop worrying about using those “writerly” words and just write! :-))) I needed to hear that! I don’t know why it is that I am so fearful of not “sounding” like a writer after I declared that I am one! I need to get past that “Who do I think I am?” critic in my head.

      I read your blog and commented and also, am now a follower.

      Sending smiles,
      Shari 🙂

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  3. I tend to believe the 40s is where self-discovery really begins (at least for women). Children are grown (for the most part) and we find our purposes shifting. I was about 40 years old when someone encouraged me to go to college. It wasn’t something I would have done without her planting a few seeds along the way. Within months, things began to fall into place as if the Lord opened the door and all I had to do is walk through. I’ve earned my degrees, had a profession, but it was still unfulfilling. My creativity was being stifled. After six years, I’ve come to myself. And, so have you.

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