How To Release the Brokenness We Carry in Our Hearts

July 7, 2014July 7, 2014 | Shari Daniels

It’s interesting how a single event can shoot the gates up around our hearts instantaneously and the choice to play the old records in our minds shifts into automatic. Entire albums even. Over and over again. Stuck on repeat.

We sometimes work really hard to throw out those old records, narratives, stories. . . convincing ourselves of their untruths and we attempt to rewrite new, more compassionate songs, in hopes to slowly allow the gates to be drawn in order to feel again. To love again. And, to live in peace. To open our hearts.

However, when an event occurs that cause us to revert back to what we thought we released, we know there is more to unearth, more to learn about ourselves and who we are. More to grow and transform. We are never finished releasing.

We all carry deep pain in our hearts and souls. All of us. It’s an “Open Secret“, Rumi calls it. The human behaviors we display (and probably are not very fond of) are a result of that pain. The workaholic overworks because his father told him he’d never amount to anything. The alcoholic drinks to numb the pain carried from a high school coach who instilled the belief that he was just not good enough. A teenage girl exercises obsessively to block the pain of the words of a boyfriend that said she was gaining weight. An angry boss yells because in his childhood, he was expected to do things right and if not, punishment followed. Whatever the undesirable behavior is that we unconsciously display, it’s rooted from pain. We even tend to live out this story. These lies.

The wonderful gift that we humans have been given that no other animal species has, is to be able to go back to that pain, feel it, acknowledge it, release it and then find a new truth. This is how we rewrite our stories. We can reopen our heart to others this way and change our behavior, rather than to live with a blocked heart, a stuck flow of energy.

Michael A. Singer, in The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself, writes that energy that comes into us HAS to keep moving. He tells us:

Long term, the energy patterns that cannot make it through you are pushed out of the forefront of the mind and held until you are prepared to release them. These energy patterns, which hold tremendous detail about the events associated with them, are real. They don’t just disappear. When you are unable to allow life’s events to pass through you, they stay inside and become a problem. These patterns may be held within you for a very long time. We are either trying to push the energy away because it bothers us or we are trying to cling to it because we like it.

When you resist that release, the energy gets packed up and forced into deep storage within the heart. In the yogic tradition, this is called a Samskara.

These Samskaras end up running your life.

If they build up sufficiently, you will find yourself in a state of depression. Eventually, everything appears negative because the world of the senses must pass through this depressed energy before it gets to your consciousness. Even if we are not prone to depression, it builds up over time and gets blocked. This affects how we live.

Singer shares, in his book, the process for releasing these blocks, or Samskaras. It’s quite amazing.

Imagine these blocks in your heart as thorns. Visualize them penetrating your heart and protruding all the way to the outside of your body. They stick out. Whenever someone, something, or an event brushes up against a particular thorn, it hurts. That Samskara is being disturbed. You have a few choices when this happens. Well, first, you can prevent it from happening by avoiding any situation that might disturb the thorn. If we do this though, we are not living to the fullest. We are living in fear.

What Singer suggests we do is to just be centered, conscious enough recognize when a thorn has been disturbed and just watch the stuff come up. Be aware of it. Accept it. And, then let it go.

This sounds easier said than done.

He tells us:

Just relax your heart, forgive, laugh, shift to gratefulness, do anything you want. Just don’t push it back down. It’s gonna probably hurt, but hopefully not for too long. And then, it’s over. You’ve let it pass through you.

This process happens over and over all the time. The result is a constant open heart that allows the energy of love to flow . You live in love, and it feeds and strengthens you. This purification is a wonderful thing.

How do we start?

It starts the moment you accept what troubles you’ve been given. Acceptance. Not resistance to them. It starts when we shift to gratitude rather than to dwell on the wrongness of a situation. There is a secret treasure that lies waiting for us at the bottom of our most difficult times. It starts when we recognize that everything that happens is not happening TO US. It’s just happening. It starts when we let go of the expectations of what we think our lives and others’ lives should go like. It’s a journey of a lifetime.

Every shift in our life comes courtesy of the friendly forces; every catastrophe can hand us exactly what we need to awaken into who we really are. It’s a lot easier to blame someone else, to rail against fate, or to shut down to the hopeful messages carried on the winds of change. Please forgive me when I say that everything that happens to us in life is a blessing – whether it comes as a gift wrapped in happy times or as a heart break, a loss, or a tragedy. It is true: There is meaning hidden in the small changes of everyday life, and wisdom to found in the shards of your most broken moments. At the end of a dark night of the soul is the beginning of a new life. ~ Elizabeth Lesser

What are your Samskaras? Can you let them go?

Or, are you going to hang on to them for dear life.

How Energy Clearing Saved Me

July 2, 2014July 7, 2014 | Shari Daniels

Depression is not a cut that needs a band-aid. It’s a cancer that needs a battle plan. ~ Ann Voskamp

I’ve battled depression and all over body/joint pain most of my adult life.

“Something is wrong with me,” was my constant mantra.

I hadn’t suffered trauma, loss, cancer, divorce or abuse. 95% of the world prays for the life I have. That alone made me more depressed about being depressed because it brought on guilt for even feeling the way I did.

I have not confessed to many people about my bouts of depression because sometimes people look at you like you have a mental illness and treat you differently. There are enough “real” problems in the world to think and pray about, I certainly don’t want people worrying about me. I also didn’t want to be sharing my story for a desperate need of attention or to give excuses for why I am the way I am. I’ve only shared with those who have opened their hearts to me because it’s their story, too. And, to my dear closest friends.

Doctors said I should be tired and exhausted, I had four children and a job. Tests always looked good, so they’d prescribe me iron, or more potassium, or magnesium, or B vitamins. I’d leave, relieved I wasn’t dying, but never felt healed.

Over the last 15 years, I became a student of my own depressed experience. I analyzed every possible cause for to find the root of this despair. Thinking it was physical, I eliminated bad habits of caffeine, coffee, Diet Coke, alcohol and processed foods. I did detoxes and cleanses, exercised regularly, got into nature, conquered addictions and reduced stress. I buried myself in books to learn about my mind – maybe I was crazy and it really was in my mind. I devoured Eckart Tolle, Byron Katie, Penny Pierce, Wayne Dyer, Deepok. I learned all about my ego, consciousness and how we are our thoughts. I did daily devotionals, prayed, vowing to become more spiritual – maybe it was God missing in my life. I thought is was my work, perhaps I wasn’t being true to who I was. So, I began to write, filled art journals, and painted. Of course, I figured it was my marriage – my resentfulness perhaps is what’s taking its toll on me. I sought therapy and tried depression meds, only to find I was in Fog City. St. John’s Wart, the same. Perhaps, it was midlife changes, so I sought out self-help books on mid-life, menopause, had a hysterectomy, and did some serious soul searching.

Then the world of energy came into light. I was introduced to Reiki, by my niece, Micara Link, as a way to heal ourselves, so I took classes and learned about how we can heal with energy, focused on releasing blocked chakras and worked on my subconscious blocks buried deep from childhood. She introduced me to clearing, but I guess I wasn’t ready to embrace it just yet. She also affirmed my belief of being a highly sensitive person. This, just a dent in my quest for an answer.

I made strides – big ones.

But, I was not cured.

The Big D kept coming back. Always, it followed me around like lost puppy.

I then met Bridgette. Bridgette and I met in a Facebook group of friends brought together by Kelly Ray Robert’s online class, Flying Lessons. Bridgette is a women’s empowerment coach, who also does energy work, intuitive coaching and is psychic. We conversed online, became companions at a writing retreat and I later, continued sessions with her over the phone to receive guidance in reaching my goals and learning about my mind, body, heart and soul and how it all needs to align.

I didn’t know then, that she would be the one that would unlock the door to my depression/pain quest.

The most powerful gift Bridgette taught me was about energy and how it affects us. I knew some of this, but not to the depths I needed to know. You think you know – but really, you don’t.

I learned that I am not just a highly sensitive person, but I am also an empath. Google that.

As a HSP (highly sensitive person) and an empath (I know-sounds like a real head case, huh?), we absorb the energies of others whether we want to or not. I was not only absorbing the energies of any person I was with at the time, I was also absorbing the energies in groups of people, in my surroundings, in meetings, in my entire world. And, carrying it with me, until my body felt heavier, more in pain and more depressed. (I remember learning this with Micara, but I think I was at the surface of just learning about energy then and did not take in more than basic understandings.) This explained my agitation and exhaustion after being at the mall, large group meetings and gatherings and even in my working environment of an elementary school of almost 900 people.

I needed help. A game plan. I could not quit my job.

Bridgette gave me tools and taught me two main practices to combat this problem:

1. Energy Clearing to clear all energies from others that I absorb on a daily basis

2. Creating a protection barrier around me to protect myself from the energy of others.

Bridgette did my first energy clearing for me, over the phone! I was skeptical, but I did believe in energy and the law of attraction. The next day, I felt 20 pounds lighter, had a skip in my step, my depression and pain lifted and I was me again. I honestly FELT “cleared”. A peace and lightness flowed through me. It was a miracle.

But, it didn’t last. By the next week, I was back in my bed again, barely able to peel myself away from bed to get to the shower for work.

I called Bridgette.

She said I had to learn to do these clearings on my own, and on a regular basis if I was going to survive my job. I found that I needed them twice a week, usually over the weekend to clear from the week and again by Wednesday. I also learned to create a morning ritual for myself before going into my work that consisted of meditation that focused on creating an imaginary protective barrier around me so these energies could not penetrate through my own energy auras. And also, a disconnection ritual at the end of my work day. Yes, it all sounds crazy in a Cosmo-Rica-woo-woo kind of way.

But, you know what? It worked.

And if something makes me feel better and chases away the pain and depression I suffer, I’m doing it.

You know how I know that it was mainly the energies of others that was causing my depression and pain?

It’s July 2nd today. We’ve been out of school for one month already. I have not had ONE day of depression or pain and have not had to do an energy clearing or protection meditation since school let out. I’ve been home. Mostly by myself or with my husband.

I have never felt better in my entire life. I still abide by everything else I’ve learned to stay depression/fybromyalgia free and healthy. And, I do not believe I would have learned a fraction of all I now understand about our body, mind, heart and soul had it not been for the relief I was seeking. The daily, conscious effort and monitoring of where I am at is a commitment. But, if I want to be of service and help for others, it’s one I refuse to stray from.

But now, I’m at a fork in the road and my question is, “What now?”

We are never fully “healed” and more and more is revealed to us every day about who we are, and right now I feel a new knowing that there is something more that I feel called to do. I’m not exactly sure what that is, but I do know part of my purpose is healing, helping and teaching others and I can do that through sharing my story and the workings of our body, mind, heart and soul, along with how energy affects us.

Since discovering these newfound paths of healing that work for me, God has guided others my way that need this. Synchronicities has compounded and I am blown away every day. I certainly didn’t think that I would be here sharing with the world my depression journey and teaching others about energy even two years ago. God unfolds for us in a very mysterious way. I just followed the bread crumbs. I’m not exactly sure where the next crumbs will be, but I do know it’s time for me to open up and share with others the understandings, tools, and practices that I’ve been taught to battle depression.

If I can even help one person, then I know I’m on the right path.

Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn’t you – all of the expectations, all of the beliefs – and becoming who you are. ~ Rachel Naomi Remen, MD

Shari 🙂

Let Go of Trying to Be Noticed

June 27, 2014February 19, 2015 | Shari Daniels

Today, I’m reblogging a reblog from a blog I love.

Can I do that? Are there rules?

Well, I am. It’s just too good to not share with as many people as I can. It’s a topic of concern with my own self and I’m hearing nudges from other like-minded souls that it’s theirs, too. I will write more on it later, but for now, savor the words of Heather and Mark Nepo.

From Heather at soberboots.com:

This morning I read this and thought I heard God say, “This is better than any blog post you could write today. Post this and go jog instead.”

I harrumphed, and then agreed. Yet another way to quit deeper, right? I hope you get as much from this as I did.

Much of our anxiety and inner turmoil comes from living in a global culture whose values drive us from the essence of what matters. At the heart of this is the conflict between the outer definition of success and the inner value of peace.

Unfortunately, we are encouraged, even trained, to get attention when the renewing secret of life is to give attention. From performing well on tests to positioning ourselves for promotions, we are schooled to believe that to succeed we must get attention and be recognized as special, when the threshold to all that is extraordinary in life opens only when we devote ourselves to giving attention, not getting it. Things come alive for us only when we dare to see and recognize everything as special.

The longer we try to get attention instead of giving it, the deeper our unhappiness. It leads us to move through the world dreaming of greatness, needing to be verified at every turn, when feelings of oneness grace us only when we verify the life around us. It makes us desperate to be loved, when we sorely need the medicine of being loving.

One reason so many of us are lonely in our dream of success is that instead of looking for what is clear and true, we learn to covet what is great and powerful. One reason we live so far from peace is that instead of loving our way into the nameless joy of spirit, we think fame will soothe us. And while we are busy dreaming of being a celebrity, we stifle our need to see and give and love, all of which opens us to the true health of celebration.

It leaves us with these choices: fame or peace, be a celebrity or celebrate being, work all our days to be seen or devote ourselves to seeing, build our identity on the attention we can get or find our place in the beauty of things by the attention we can give. –Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening.

Mark Nepo is a cancer survivor, a poet, and philosopher. He’s not a Christian, nor is he in recovery that I’m aware of. But God speaks to me a lot through his writings.

BAM: When we feel the need to BE noticed, turn it around and instead, BE the NOTICER.

Please God,

Show more of yourself, so there will be Less of Me.

Let that marinate.

Shari 🙂

Being Reminded of Bad Decisions Hurts Our Brains

June 26, 2014June 26, 2014 | Shari Daniels

“You need to clear. Now. Today.”

I keep hearing it. Seeing it. And, feeling it.

I take this knowingness to my notebook and try to write out EXACTLY what needs to be cleared.

“What? What needs to be cleared?” I question, “Is it energy clearing? I feel okay. I don’t need that today. Is it subconscious blocks that I need to let go of? Fear? Obsessions? Old stuff? What? Tell me, so I can take care of it!”

A smell lingers up into my writing room. My candle can’t even mask the smell. Being one of those highly sensitive nose type people, smells really trip me up.

“What IS that?” I croak.

Ugh. I can’t even focus on my thoughts to write with this intrusion. I shut my computer and investigate. I know this smell. It’s a moldy, old garbage, combined with wet dog, chicken coop and baby kitties born on the couch kinda smell (that happened when I was a young girl and I still remember the smell). I really don’t even want to know what it is. There have been whiffs of this odor over the last week and I’ve tried to ignore it. But, I can’t any longer. It’s become overbearing. The thought of what it could be is giving me the willies. Moving might become necessary.

I scan the garage. My skin shivers at how visually toxic to my well-being this room is. The school year is done and summer is here and I know I NEED to clean this.

Forget the garage. . . it’s not even my junk.

But, then, I know the answer to my knowingness.

“Oh, you mean REAL clearing! ACTUAL PHYSICAL REAL CLUTTER!” I shake my head because I really do not want to tackle this. I’ve been avoiding it altogether. I have other things to do! Stuff I actually WANT to do! It’s summer!! The sun outside wants me to sit in it and just read!

The message is affirmed in everywhere I go. The yard, the shed, the playhouse. There is not a space in my house that does not need some TLC:

A Total-Lot-of-Cleaning.

Yes, I’ve neglected it. It’s time.

“Whether it be your closet or office desk, excess things in your surroundings can have a negative impact on your ability to focus and process information. That’s exactly what neuroscientists at Princeton University found when they looked at people’s task performance in an organized versus disorganized environment. The results of the study showed that physical clutter in your surroundings competes for your attention, resulting in decreased performance and increased stress.” ~nourishment3.com

Well, I knew I was having a focusing issue, but I didn’t know it was because of my clutter. And my stuff.

I announce to my husband that I’m on a de-cluttering mission. His eyes begin to squint like the sun’s hurting him and his entire face scrunches up. He knows he is going to either have to get involved or risk losing some stuff. He also knows he has more stuff to de-clutter than I do. The two boys find other stuff to do.

The bathroom is first, as it’s the room that bothers me the most. Items from the shelves are purged, used once or twice and never to be noticed again, covered in dust and gunk. Old vitamins, prescriptions, bath salts and lotions. Yuck. Then. . . way in the back, I discover some old boxes of Frownies I purchased a few years ago.

Oh dang. The memory comes flooding back.

These stick on patches were going to be the ticket for those wrinkles on my forehead. The internet said. So, I bought 2 packages, not just one. On my first day’s trial of stretching my forehead before applying the sticky patches to my skin, and then sleeping with it on, I awoke to an even more dented forehead than my original one. Apparently, I had not flattened my skin smooth enough before I stuck that baby on. Instead of smoothing my forehead, I made NEW wrinkles. They lasted all day. I should have sent the Frownies back for a refund, but I attributed the problem to operator error and vowed to give it another shot. I never did. A reminder of another bad decision and money wasted for vanity.

Why is it so painful to get rid of this stuff?

Apparently, there is research that gives us the answer to this question. (I found it on the internet.)

We tell ourselves we are hanging onto this stuff for a number of reasons:

1. We are saving it for just the right occasion.

2. We spent a lot of money on it and we might use it one day.

3. We have sentimental value.

But, the biggest reason we hang on to stuff is because we probably made a mistake buying it and it literally hurts our brain to come to terms with that fact.

Yup, there is. The truth. It’s painful to admit that we screwed up. Bad decisions. Money wasted.

As in the case of my Frownies.

Tossing them in the trash really DOES hurt. But really, I know I won’t try them again. Even sticking all those patches to my face now and going to bed that way seems absurd. And, I run the risk of that scene be the topic of conversation and my husband’s office the next day.

I could see if my sister wants to try them. That would feel better than junking them. But, then, I’d have to hold on to them longer until I see them. Should I walk them over to my neighbor? I could tell her that if she doesn’t want to try them, she could just toss them and I wouldn’t have to know about it. Maybe that’s the ticket. Yeah. That’s what I’ll do.

Then, I won’t have to feel the pain quite so much.

Unless, the next time I see her, she has more wrinkles.

Now, moving on to the kitchen. . .

What is painful for your brain to let go of?

Reflection: Why Should I Blog?

June 18, 2014June 19, 2014 | Shari Daniels

The other day, it took me 3 hours to write/revise/edit/publish a blog post on my Literate Mind blog. It was only a book review, for Pete’s Sake. I DID have some internet issues and my typical distraction problems. Seriously, though. I’m spending way too much time trying to create some words and put them out there for the world. I have dishes to wash. Laundry. Rooms to declutter.

So, I got out my notebook and did some serious reflecting. I asked myself the question that I have began to ask myself with every blog post.

“Why am I doing this? Why should I blog? What are the benefits of this? Am I nuts?”

Boy, did my pen have something to say. Words began to flood onto the page.

Here are 5 reasons (of the many) of why I blog:

1. I am a teacher.

Not only do I teach kids how to write, but I work with teachers in guiding them to be teachers of writing. The first must of a writing teacher is that the writing teacher must be a writer. A pilot instructor would have to know how to fly planes, right?

I’ve always scribbled words in notebooks, diaries, and journals. I’ve written in front of kids to model writing workshop lessons. I wrote. But, still, I did not call myself a writer. Only real authors could declare themselves a writer and wear that title. Here I was, a teacher for 20+ years and a literacy coach and still, I could not call myself a writer. Was I worried this was vain? Did I fear others would think I was lying? They would surely ask me what I had written if I said I was a writer. And then, judge it, of course. Ugh. All of this was just too risky.

What a hypocrite, I was.

Then, in 2012, I signed up for a free e-course by Jeff Goins, called YOU ARE A WRITER. Jeff taught me how to say these words:

“You are a writer.”

“Say them out loud,” he said.

“Write them down.”

” Tell someone.”

So I did.

And, so I was.

The blog was born as a result of claiming I was a writer. Jeff said that if you are a writer, you have to start acting like one. This meant sharing your writing and building a community.

I guess I had to follow through if I was going to say I was a writer.

2. More valuable that any writing program, I have curriculum to draw from within my own experiences.

I’m in the trenches with the kids and other teachers of writing when I blog.

Mem Fox, in her book, Radical Reflections, writes:

“Teachers of writing who have been soldiers themselves, engaged in a writing battle, are able to empathize more closely with the comrades in their classrooms than teachers who are merely war correspondents at the hotel bar, as it were, watching the battle from a safe distance, declining to get in there themselves and write.”

I didn’t want to be a teacher who sat at the bar, too afraid to practice what I was preaching.

I now know what kids and teachers go through when they try to write. The fear. The frustration. The battle. This battle can not come when we keep our writing hidden from others, in a notebook. Notebook writing is easy, as this is first draft writing or jotting down ideas. It becomes real when we know we are writing for someone other than ourselves. Then, we have roll up our sleeves, get dirty and then, clean it up.

I can teach how I find ideas to write by sharing what I do: noticing what’s happening around me, the words others’ say, topics I deeply care about. I can teach how to write that perfect lead, because I wrestle with it and have a few tools for this along with some favorite leads from mentor texts. I can draw from my toolbox, a lesson that teaches others how to edit for themselves and I can model my methods for this, because I’ve done it myself.

I stand on the shoulders of writing teachers; Donald Murray, Donald Graves, Lucy Calkins and Katie Wood Ray. They are my guides. Basically, nothing I teach is my own idea – these methods came from someone before me.

I’ve used their methods, tried them out and have internalized them as my own methods now. Will they work for every writer? No. I read, listen to other writers and to the kids of how they write and their methods get thrown in my toolbox, as well.

My own toolbox is more valuable that any writing curriculum. No writing curriculum is perfect as it leaves out the most important factor: the kids. If it’s all you have to follow in the teaching of writing, you will be frustrated. And, I can draw from my own toolbox at anytime, anywhere. If one tool doesn’t work, I try another. I’ve tried them all, so they are etched in who I am as a writer.

3. I’m starting to live my life differently because of my blog.

I notice things with meaning and get it down. I take time to reflect on, not only events, but on my response to them. I nudge myself to reflect deeper, to get to the other side, to allow new learning to bubble up, something of significance and to make it clear for me to understand. I do this for me, but more so, for my audience (even if it is only my mother – thanks, Mom).

A car trip, a walk in the woods, shopping at the grocery store, sitting at the lake, and visiting with people are all free fodder for writing. I find myself thinking not only, “I’ve got to write this down,” but also, “Oh my, I need to write this for ______.”

If I need to write clearly for an audience to understand my thinking, I’d better be pretty clear of it myself.

I could not have done this without a blog.

4. Blogging has been an avenue in which to use the tool of writing to serve my higher purpose.

I don’t think that writing is a purpose or a calling. It’s just a tool to use. If you are called to teach? Write. Called to heal? Write. Called to inspire? Write. Called to serve, help others, beautify the world, create, coach, energize, collaborate? Then, write, write, write. There is no better tool that can reach more people than writing. But, only if you put it out there for the world.

5. It just feels good.

There is a sense of accomplishment and surge of satisfaction I feel every time I hit publish. I am jolted with a little shot of dopamine upon seeing those words, “Your post has been published.”

And, then, I do a little happy dance.

Getting it down is the easy part. Revision and editing is hard work. Never, would I revise and edit in my notebooks. Blogging makes you do this.

I’ve had to learn to choose timely topics and ones that matter. I’ve had to figure out how to stick to a topic and focus. I tend to stray in my notebooks, but I can’t do that on a blog.

I strive to find ways to improve in my craft by reading books about writing, joining some writing groups online and taking classes about writing. I know what I struggle with in my writing and have learned to appreciate criticism. Always, I can get better at this.

When we know more, we do better and we gain confidence.

And, this just feels good.

Okay ~ I guess the rewards are worth the battle. Whew.

The only drawbacks are that my house is a mess. But, it was a mess before I started blogging, so I guess I can’t use that as an excuse.

Maybe I should blog about that.

What are the reasons you blog? Please, let me know.

Shari 🙂

What Does It Mean To “Just Be”?

June 12, 2014June 12, 2014 | Shari Daniels

“You need to Just Be.”

I’m hearing this voice over and over lately. It’s summer time and people are trying to Just Be and take time off from their busy lives. Emails in my inbox from spiritual writers encourage the world to Just Be. My body tends to want to Just Be.

Just be.

But, what does this really mean? To Just Be?

I was telling a friend about my plans for summer and possibly next year in my work. I get excited about my work sometimes when I begin to think of all the possibilities. Every year, in education, is an opportunity for renewal. My mind spins at all of the things I’d like to do differently next year. I can always do better, I know.

This person listened compassionately and then said,

“Shari, my hope for you is to Just Be for awhile.”

These words are still ringing in my brain. Now, I know this person has my well being in mind, not wanting me to take on too much, or really, just wanting me to slow down and not think about school for awhile. I honestly believe my work supports my purpose in life, so I don’t always think of it as work. For some, work is work and life outside of work is, well. . . life. We teachers are in a different category, as they we always thinking about our profession.

I had to ponder on these words long and hard. Because, I consider myself much more of a BE-er than a DO-er.

I let the words, Just Be, marinate in my brain for awhile and decided that Just Be has different meanings for different people. Not only this, but for the same person, it means different things at different times depending upon what they are doing and their understanding of the depths of Just Be.

Here are some of the ways I think we define Just Be:

Definition #1: I’m taking a break from work or doing anything that involves a lot of work. That break might be for a moment, it might be for a week, or a vacation or a summer. It might mean vegging out in front of the tv, conversing on facebook, or doing anything that takes them away for the stressful lives they live. Don’t start any big projects or do any planning at this time. I did a lot of this kind of Just Being after my daughter’s wedding. Actually, I slept and read books instead of any fall work in the yard. I used Just Being as my excuse to not do the stuff I was supposed to do.

Definition #2: Leave me alone. When my daughters used to go through those teenage hormonal weeks, they would often say, “I want to Just Be!” Really, this meant to get out of their space. Leave me alone.

Definition #3: Be content. Stop seeking. Accept what is and be happy with that.

Definition #4: To be present in every moment of your life. If someone is speaking to you, stop what you are doing and fully listen. BE in the moment. If you are watching tv or a movie, BE there to feel the characters/people you are watching, connect to them. If you are eating, savor your food, eat slow, be grateful for the nourishment. This means shutting off your phone just to Just Be with the act of what you are doing.

It means to look for opportunities to JUST BE in your day. An interruption in your drive to stop at the railroad tracks for a train is just this. Rather than being annoyed about a delay in your plan or to occupy the few minutes reaching to check your phone, you have an opportunity to take deep breaths and listen, look around you, pay attention to the world. Say a prayer. Think of a friend in need and send her your loving energy. Just take some long deep breaths and quiet the mind. Listen to and focus on your breath. Stop the rampant thoughts. Always, waiting for trains is just this chance to do this. Waiting can be a gift if you look at it that way.

It means to slow down your pace. Take small snippets of time to be grateful. Write something down in your journal. Send a note of “You Matter” to someone who needs to be reminded. Stop living at the speed of a to-do list that only Superman could accomplish. Glorifying busyness is not a healthy state of mind to live in. We can so easily become a victim of busyness. This is ego who needs this.

It means to take time every day for listening. This may mean meditation. It may be prayer. It might be yoga. It could be sitting on the front porch with coffee watching the hummingbirds. It’s a silencing of the mind. Be mindful. Be conscious of your thoughts. The only way I can hear what God wants me to do is if I silence Bernice. It takes daily work and constant practice.

It means living the life of who you truly are. It’s Being authentic. If I spend all day writing and reading, it’s because I love it and it’s who I am. If I strive to train for a marathon, it will take time and dedication, but it will be because that’s a dream and it’s who I am (you would not really find me doing this though).

It means to follow your dreams. God’s plan for us is way bigger than what our little minds tell us. Ego keeps us small. Dreams mean work. To make dreams happen, you have to DO.

Be – Do – Be – Do – Be – Do – Be – Do

In Just Being, we listen. We hear what our heart and soul intends for us to do. Then, we Do. Without the Doing, we are not following through with our listening that comes from Just Being. And, I’m not talking about our mind telling us we should scrub the floor, although, sometimes when we are Just Being, we hear a voice that says to clear, de-clutter, clean.

It’s Being Present in whatever we are doing. It’s a way of life.

Do we ever master it. I don’t think so. Maybe if you are a Zen Master. Not I. The need for me to constantly be conscious of my thoughts and bring myself back to a place of being will be my life’s work.

I’d like to be able to live Definition #4.

What do you think? What is your definition of Just Being?

Shari 🙂

To Push Through The Pain? Or Not

June 8, 2014June 12, 2014 | Shari Daniels

It’s 2:20 am and the biffy is calling my name. Sadly. . . I can’t get out of bed. Every muscle in my body hurts; abs, thighs, arms, neck, you name it. I was not in a serious car accident, no. I did not run a triathlon. Nor, did I do hard physical labor all day.

I worked out this week. . . not once, but TWICE!

About every other month, I decide I need to get in better shape, ummmm. . . I mean, in shape. I usually only walk a few of times a week during the school year otherwise, so when these urgent calls from my body tell me to pay attention and strengthen up, I tend to jump right in and try to fix it. Too much, too soon, too much pain. Then, what do you think finishes off the cycle? Yep, I rest and kinda quit. And, the cycle continues. Been goin on fer years now.

I wasn’t always this way. Throughout my first 40 some years of life, I was obsessed with exercise, my eating, weight, and perfection. Then, a surgery that put me down. I softened. In a good way. And, I started liking who I was becoming.

So, now, almost 50, I’m listening more to my body and she’s telling me I have zero core strength, I’m pretty weak and my flexibility is nadda. But, keep up the walking – daily, Lady. Oh and by the way, your arms are starting to look pasty and, well. . . whatever, you are almost 50.

Well, that kind of talk gets me riled. I become driven to fight back, so I pop in those DVD’s and do everything that perky young thing tells me to do. Push-ups? Sure. Squats? You got it.

Here’s the rub. Now, my body is cuuuuu-rying! First, she wants it, then she doesn’t. She says to push through it and then she says to rest, it’s too much.

My daughter Lauren, who is 25 and a wellness coach, scolds me, “No pain, no gain, Mom. Push through it. You gotta keep it up or you won’t see any results.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I tell her. I’m her worst client. But, I can be that way to her. I’m her mother. She rolls her eyes. I’m sure I frustrate her. She says these words with love, but it’s my own voice that I hear in the background. Yes, that’s her in the photo above.

My friend who is my age consoles me, “Shar, we aren’t 25. We’ve been down that road. Accept who you are. We are ok.”

I love my friend because she understands me and where I’ve been, and my daughter IS only 25. I should rest.

But, the whole world screams, “NO EXCUSES! YOU ARE ONLY AS OLD AS YOU FEEL.”

It bothers me that I even spend time thinking about this when I could be doing something constructive, like writing or reading. It all seems so ego-driven.

Bernice. (said like Seinfield says Newman)

I’ve grown wiser with age and have learned to not strive for the perfect anything anymore. I just want to feel good; mind, body, heart and soul. If any of these “friends” is left out, the others suffer. It’s a constant state of mindfulness I need to be in, always checking in with each. Wait, I hear a small voice of reason. . .

“Just move your body, Shar. It doesn’t matter what you do. Move.”

Aw, somebody with sense. Heart and Soul are speaking up for Joy, my body.

I think I’ll just go for a walk today and do a little yoga. 🙂

Who do you listen to? Do you push through and work through the pain? Or, do you rest – and forget what you started?

(And, this doesn’t just pertain to exercise, you know. . . )

Shari 🙂

Settling Into A New Writing Space

June 6, 2014June 6, 2014 | Shari Daniels

It’s officially summer. This means that I make the move from my “in-the-house” writing space, (which is really the bedroom of my daughter who is at college) to my sanctuary, a studio room above the garage. We do not heat the room above the garage, so every fall I migrate to the indoors to write and create. It’s always a sad move saying goodbye to my own personal sanctuary, but the move back to this space in the summer is a filling of my heart and soul as I greet my home. I feel the layers of the winter’s old energies melt off of me once I am back to the studio.

Stacey Shubitz shared her writing area at Two Writing Teachers a couple of weeks ago and this inspired me to share mine. Seeing others’ sacred space is a visual inspiration that gets juices flowing to clean up our own spaces. Or, move to another one.

Let me tell you about my space. It’s not fancy, but it works for me.

The table is one of those $35.00 tables you can buy at Walmart. It’s white and we have several that we’ve used for graduations. I’ve draped it with a small quilt I made years ago. I love the softness of it. The quilt also is a reminder to me to slow down (examining the small stitches around each Log Cabin block does this). When my kids were small, I did a lot of hand quilting ~ for therapy mostly. Hand quilting calmed me and was my creative outlet.

The chair is a lawn chair. A comfy one because I sit on a pillow and cover the arms with a fleece blanket. Again, cozy cozy. Comfort, a priority if I’m going to sit myself down to write.

A writing alter sits before me, each object having significance in my space. Always, a candle is lit. A lit candle is a reminder that my own light shine through in my writing. I prefer sage candles as they tend to clear any negative energy as well, but right now, my sage candle is spent. My back up candle here is creamy vanilla and it makes me hungry for cake. Not a good thing when you are trying to write. Note to self: buy more sage candles.

Also here, is my writing angel. I call her in and she sits by my side. Archangel Gabrielle is the angel of communication. If I ask, she helps me to quiet Bernice (my mind) and all of the insecurities that hold me back.

You will also see a heart with wings, made from clay, sit upon my alter. I am a touchy-feely person and holding this heart and saying a prayer to God to allow me to speak from the heart is so important. If I know I am speaking from the heart, I do not worry so much about what others think of my words on the page.

There are inspirational messages tacked up on my walls of my writing space and tissues for when tears penetrate through my writing (love it when that happens). A small notebook is handy as it holds some snippets of words from other writers that caught my eye. These words find their way into my writing.

Of course, I get stuck when not knowing what to write about. Collecting tidbits for ideas is an obsession for me. I tack them on my bulletin board, toss them into a flower pot and save newspaper clippings in an envelope. Most of the time, I write about something pressing on my mind at the time, but quite often, I need to just pick something and see where it takes me.

There are two other spaces that I need to get set up in my sanctuary. One is for art journaling/painting and the other for sewing. I tend to have to jump between these creative outlets. When I’m stuck in one, I navigate over to the other. But most of my time is here, writing.

I’m anxious for the words that will come from this space this summer. (smile)

Shari 🙂

Learning From The Struggle

May 5, 2014June 30, 2014 | Shari Daniels

There is a lot of pain in the world right now. Loved ones are hurting. Entire communities are confused and in shock. Others are feeling too much – from others and from their own hearts hurting. Some are worried and fearful of what is to come. A dear soul lays still, hopeless, stuck, and not knowing which way to turn. Everywhere I turn, someone is carrying some kind of heavy load.

The cause of our pain is a result of countless reasons: physical illness, thoughts we play over and over in our minds and can not let go of, negative energy we accumulate in our bodies from others and from ourselves.

Every single one of us have been in this place. And, yet, somehow, we paddle through to the other side. If we are growing as spiritual beings, once we arrive on this other side, we recognize that we are changed. We are not the same human we were before.

As I hop online today, I receive similar messages everywhere.

“Sometimes not only do you have to fall. . . but you have to hit ROCK BOTTOM to find out who you are, and who you want to become.” ~Beth Shoutler

“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.” ~proverb

“Just when go through a hard period, When everything seems to oppose you,

When you feel you can not even bear one more minute, Never Give Up.

Because it is the time and place that the course will divert.” ~Rumi

These were just a few subtle shouts that these words needed to be heard today. Not only for my ears, but for these other souls who are hurting, to bring understanding about our journey here on earth and that there is hope, for this too shall pass.

The real shift happens when we recognize these heavy moments. This place of despair means that something must change. Something. It wakes us up to dwell inward and ask for guidance about what it is that is meant to learn. What is the newness that will evolve and birth itself? Challenges are brought to us to teach us more about the truth of who we are. We spirits, in human bodies are never done evolving on planet Earth School.

This sounds all poetic and easy to say, especially when you are in a good place at the moment. Sometimes, recognizing what we’ve learned does not happen until we’ve dug out way out of the hole. Sadly, this makes the time in the hole long, dark and scary. We can’t be deciding to stay down here in the hole or it gets darker and darker. . . and harder to come out.

Instead, to quicken the process and benefit from the learning, it’s important to train your mind to think differently. By the way, there are lots of ways to pull out of darkness (get into nature, exercise, watch a funny movie), but it’s the new understanding from that challenging place that must evolve for it to benefit you. Otherwise, you will end up right back in that same place, in a different situation, and not know why.

Here are some ways that I’ve learned to help myself move through a challenge and transform into a higher level of understanding about who I am:

1. Ask yourself,

“Ok, who is not happy here? Mind, body, heart or soul?”

We first have to narrow our pain to where it is coming from. I have found many times that the root of my pain comes from my mind in focusing on obsessive thoughts that are pulling me down. Our mind can be our worst enemy and we need to immediately recognize when this happens. I call my mind “Bernice”, so that I can separate it from “me” and quiet her more easily. I am not my mind. Meditate. Still the mind.

Sometimes, it’s my body that is not happy. My body is named “Joy” for the joy it brings me when it is at optimal levels. We all know that lack of exercise and eating unhealthy are going to effect you. Illness will swirl you into gloom (especially if you let your mind get it’s way and tell you that the pain will never end or you are going to die). When our body is not ok, that means something is wrong and we need to fix it. Paying attention to the subtle signs our body gives us will help us to prevent bigger challenges later on.

Meet “Rose”. She’s my heart. Maybe it’s your heart that is hurting. A person in your life has left and there is an emptiness there. Or, perhaps your heart has been closed to stay protected. Someone has hurt your heart too many times, so you think best not to open it and allow love to flow through. If it’s your heart, you will know. You feel pain there – or you feel nothing. Sometimes the love we need to open our hearts to, is to ourselves.

It may be your soul. Your soul is who you truly are (it makes sense that I name my soul “Shari”). Your soul is your truth and purpose – what God put you on this earth for. If your soul is not being heard and you are not living your truth, your soul suffers. This purpose inspires us and feeds us. Your purpose may be teaching, or healing others. It might be creating beauty for the earth. Perhaps it’s to be an advocate for nature. If you do not know what your purpose is, spend time with this. If you do, analyze whether you have been living it or not.

Your mind, body, heart and soul (I call them my friends) need to agree with each other – or align. My dear friend, Bridgette Doerr, a women’s empowerment coach, taught me this through our coaching sessions. One of “the 4 friends” can not be overpowering all the time or you will find yourself in a state darkness over and over.

2. Be an observer of your emotions, feeling, judgements or beliefs about a challenging situation and ask the question,

“What do I need to learn from this?”

This is huge. Once we choose to allow our emotions and mind to take over, we spiral into a dark cloud uncontrollably. This magnifies the moment we tell the story over and over again as it intensifies with each retelling and becomes harder to let go of to see the other side. By being able to breathe through the emotions and ask ourself what the learning is, we can come to an understanding as to why God gave you this challenge.

3. Again, be an observer of an event, words said, emotions felt and ask yourself,

“What do I need to let go of?”

This is the highest form of reflection and conscious awareness and takes practice (eternally). I wish I could say I can always do this, but I am such a work in progress.

In Michael Singer’s book, The Untethered Soul, Singer talks about making challenges and struggles a game, especially when we feel strong emotions or judgements surface. The goal is to release all old negative narratives that drag us down. If we believe that each day is an opportunity to allow these old stories, or samskaras (in yogic terms), to be released, we can just be a silent observer of when the emotion arises and then determine if it is attached to a old negative story that we live by. If it is, YAY!!! All you have to do is to acknowledge it and breathe through it – let it pass right through you and release it forever. I like to say a little good bye prayer when another one bites the dust. Yes, it sounds easy. It honestly is. But, you have to pay attention.

Know that you are meant to learn about yourself every day through your trials, twists, turns, bumps and bruises. If life was as smooth as cupcakes, how would we grow?

Shari 🙂

A song just for you ~ Press On

A Pinterest Board just for you ~ Transformation

An after addition: If you are in crisis, turn directly to God. A Tribe Writer friend, Dayna Bickham wrote about this today in a very powerful post about tools you need to survive in a crisis.